Hitting, pulling hair, throwing toys…for a special needs family that can sometimes be the norm!
It would be a big fat lie if I told you that this was not an issue in my household. With Claire being a special needs child her social and behavior skills are not at their full “cognitive” level of what her age is. This can be cause for breakdowns, hitting, hair pulling, frustration, fits, overstimulated meltdowns and so much more.
A lot of what I just mentioned can be allotted to Claire’s social deficit. She doesn’t fully understand that she is behaving improperly. She also lacks knowledge of what a typical 4 year old would know in behavior as right or wrong. Sometimes this behavior or lack there of can be practiced and learned but other times its the lack of being able to implement it consistently that can cause the frustration and behavior breakouts.
ROUTINE:
Something that I have found has helped our family with certain behavior issues with Claire is routine. Making sure that we stick to daily routines or time schedule of when we do something. Children with special needs often benefit from regular routines and have a harder time coping with the change when something new is thrown into the schedule. Gosh I think this can actually ring true for a typical child as well really! I know when Claire’s older sister Ava Kate was younger routine especially in the evening time was key in keeping massive breakdowns from showing their face! She just knew the way something was to play out (in her head) and if she didn’t see that happening that way then all hell would break loose.
Below I have listed some other ways or strategies to help change a challenging behavior you might be dealing with in your household! These have helped us!
STRUCTURE:
This goes back to that routine I mentioned above. Creating a daily schedule that your child can understand and count on from when they wake up to when they go to bed can be key. If they know whats coming next they can anticipate it and be less likely to throw a fit when transition from one daily activity to the next.
REDIRECTION:
Helping them get from their meltdown to the task at hand can be a big step. When Claire is in a screaming fit and I am not sure why, I usually try to get on her level. I ask her some questions that are easy “yes or no” that she can answer. I then redirect her to the right behavior or action. By getting on her level, letting her know I see, hear her and asking her to “show me” rather than scream at me sometimes that is all she needed. Other times if the behavior continues redirecting her to actually do what I need her to by adding in “hand over hand” demonstration it can clear up the struggle she is having.
There are so many times that meltdowns happen with special needs children because they can’t express what they are trying to say or what they want to happen. But other times its because they don’t know how to fully carry out what you are asking of them…so this is why the “hand over hand” action I feel is important, especially for a child like Claire who is not at her cognitive level she should be.
RECOGNITION AND REWARDS:
Currently this is a big thing in our house! Claire has recently started going to the potty in the evening times. You can read more on our potty training here. She knows if she goes potty she gets M&Ms from the candy machine. Another thing that has been hard for us is taking liquid medicine like cough medicine or Tylenol. If she takes it well without spitting it out she gets M&Ms. Now…something to keep in mind…the reward only works so well with Claire because she doesn’t get M&Ms any other time unless she has done something that calls for the recognition. That is what has made the M&M machine so successful for us because she only gets that at those give times!
SIBLINGS AND SETTING EXAMPLES:
Brothers and sisters can play key roles in your child’s behavior. Its important that they understand that your special needs child sometimes needs a different approach to things. We have always made sure to let Ava Kate know that just because Claire hits or screams doesn’t mean she does those things back. We have let her know that Claire doesn’t think or process things exactly the same as most kids. It takes longer for her to understand and learn a behavior.
Ava Kate has always given Claire grace in these situations. Even when she has had a toy thrown at her head and busted her head open. She was mad and upset but still understood that Claire was just trying to get her attention not trying to hurt her. Another thing siblings should understand though is the way they behave is key as well. They set examples and if they are screaming at their parents then a special needs child can see that as “ok”…even though it is not. That is something they most certainly can pick up on!
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Now in no means am I an expert in this, I am just telling you what has worked for us. Did it fix it 100%? NO WAY! Sometimes the behavior breakouts are bad and pulling hair is a game. I remember being in Hobby Lobby one day and Claire just thought it would be fun to pull my hair non-stop. She would get a hold of a handful and tug away, laughing and thinking it was funny. Probably laughing because I was fussing at her and when I fuss at her she thinks its hilarious. So I just had to remain calm, talk to her in a calming matter rather than “fussing” because then it was even more fun!
I still don’t know why she felt the need to do that that day, but onlookers were probably thinking “CONTROL YOUR CHILD! WHY ARE YOU LETTING HER ACT THAT WAY!” I just had to distract her and redirect her to something else. I don’t even remember what it was that day that finally got her to stop…but I remember I hurried as fast as I could to get what I needed and get the heck out of there before it started back up! HA! It can be embarrassing when it happens in public, but as with any unexpected burst from a toddler it is bound to happen at some point!
For us, the behavior issues are usually at home, but its good to start putting these things into practice whenever and wherever it happens! Its an ongoing process of learning on all ends of the spectrum. It won’t happen over night but you will begin to hopefully see a difference in behavior issues whether that be not happening, or having them come to a stop more quickly.
