First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage!
I am sure that is what a lot of women who have plans for their future may have ringing in their heads. You have this picture laid out of what your wedding will look like, where you want live, how many kids you will have and of course the perfect mother you will be. Some of those are easy and you can check them right off the list…others come with struggle and challenges. Marriage isn’t always easy, not everyone can afford their fancy dream house right away or ever for that matter. Many times not all kids are perfect angels we had hopes for them to be, and sometimes – – Life throws you a curve ball. It can hit you right in the face leaving you grieved stricken, dumb founded and worn out.
Our story up until about three and half years ago was pretty smooth sailing. We had been married for 6 years, cute little house in a good neighborhood, a bright 2.5-year-old named Ava Kate and a second little girl on the way. Little did we know she would indeed come early than expected and with “unexpected” issues that would begin to unfold over the next 6 months.
See a common theme thus far?
Expectations are something we put on ourselves of what we think our future should hold…which isn’t always what God’s plan has in store for us.
“'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. '” — Jeremiah 29:11
Our plans for Claire were already mapped out ahead of time by God himself. With Claire nothing has been easy. Her little 3.5 year old life has been a challenge from day 2! It’s been a roller coaster of emotions, worries, what if’s and don’t let me forget the unexpected.
In a nutshell, after Claire was born she started to have seizures. Come to find out Claire was born with extremely low blood sugar and pockets of blood on her brain which was both cause to the seizing. She was flown to Cook Children’s Hospital where we would stay in the NICU for her first month. (You can read more on her birth and diagnoses here.)
At 5 months old, after delayed development, tests revealed Claire has 2 rare chromosome disorders, Trisomy 10p and Monosomy 9p or 9p24 deletion. In 2016, Claire was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. These new diagnosis didn’t make anything easier nor does googling everything! We all know we shouldn’t do that. My emotional state was…nonexistent. I went through waves of numbness. How I survived without some sort of anxiety meds during this time period is beyond me. This later became a need for me when I found myself crying in my car uncontrollably 3-4 times a week by myself.
Our “nutshell” of unexpected was a big one which still holds many unknowns for Claire, her future and our family. I have realized over the last several years that the unexpected is something to be EXPECTED, but our unexpected is God’s planned!
What we know can be expected.
Strength
Your strength will be tested. FACT!
Exhaustion
Tired is a word that doesn’t even amount up to how you feel.
Faith
Your faith will be the one thing you can always lean on. Your faith is something you can count on. It will always meet your expectations. On the other end of your faith is the one person who knows what we need, what our future holds – unexpected or not.
Grief
This is another whole blog post in itself. When we expect something whether that be in our spouse, in our self, in our children or just in life…and that lets us down – it is OK to grieve for what you “lost”. You can grieve for what you hoped for.
Our unexpected is God’s planned.
God knew what he was doing when he brought Claire into this word and made her exactly as she is. God knew what to expect and that is what matters.
A lot of days though…
It’s just hard- not that “easy” I had expected. These feelings are normal and surely expected in a situation like this. This is one reason I refer back to my faith to help get me through those not so easy days!
